CALI-REFLECTIONS:
Through reflecting, especially internal reflecting (S.Freud) one able to consciously reflect upon past experiences, without a external/super ego factor being accessible. Thus one come to a self acknowledgment by which responsibility become imperative and must be acknowledged by the self first. Then one is able to move forward with how they responded and validate (self analysis). As with psycho analysis, it is a slow discovery process, which a person growth in strength based, self determinate and empowering motives helps an individual understand more of the social development of their psyche and why they are as they are! So here is my understand, by which I see currently many values and concrete thoughts being developed within my life at the age of 7-8. I have only perfected these thoughts as I utilize them. At the core of the state incidences, the rooted variable that will remain and developed through my life is very vivid. In Jame Hillman's work, he details the importance of these childhood developing variables, which often remain as we mature into adulthood. If these variables are acknowledged early: the opportunity to fuel them becomes an empowering factor. http://www.scottlondon.com/interviews/hillman.html
CHILDHOOD REFLECTIONS OF DEVELOPMENT:
I at a young age,
K-12 always went about tolerance of others regardless of their
expressions or actions towards me. I came across as very socially passive, but
couldn't understand the aggression of social norms.Yet at time refuse to let myself be
comprised on factors I felt were not fair.
In 3rd grade (first time) Taft Elementary in Santa Ana, CA. Our school
was socially inter-grating at the time merging hearing impaired with non-hearing
impaired to help over come educational and social differences. I recall my
first outstanding teacher, Mrs. Davis
who got disappointed with the lower level reading circles self acceptances of
being the 'dum-dum group'.
One month she pulled several of us aside from the lower
level group, took us in the library and explained what today I now know as
educational reseach. Her theory was that we did poorly in the reading circle
because of the other groups expectation and the text book. She then told us the
importance of her theory and how we had the entire library as our text book,
within our grade level. After choosing a book of our own decision and writing
a report. The grade of that report and our performance would give access to the
next grade level. Finally I loved to read and learn. Mrs. Baker proved to me
that teachers are more than educators, they are empowerment providers. It was
also in this same class that I easily would leave campus at lunch, walk to the
park and have lunch there.
I would return for
class on time and no one noticed. Until one recess I was approached by two hall
monitors questioning me about being on the other side of the campus alone.
Their obligated duty resulted in me not only losing my freedom to utilize my
recess and lunch to be alone but also
free time social involvement I did not desire at the time. Such activities as
conventional sports and playground activities. My mother was told that the
school thought more extra social collective activities would be a good ideal.
My mother was overall cool knowing I was not interested in Little League, but
being the military mother she is, thought the Cub Scouts would be a good thing.
Well today I reflect back and laugh at the wit/ Freuds' subconscious behavior
at work. I was determined to not cooperate because I didn't think it was fair.
So I would intentional not wear my uniform correct, I would delay task to
received a badge. The other scouts fully understood my opposition against them
in our meetings. At school all was fine, but I made their objective difficult
hoping for the day a realization occurred. It finally did when my mother and the
Den Mother concluded maybe my interest are better else where.
To fully reflect disciplinary actions sometime lead to more
serious behavior that must be attended to server and prompt. I had to repeat
the 3rd grade because a new 'private-public' school was built and I had to
attend. The code of conduct and expectation were higher. At such a honorable
academic school, it became the social horror of the school district that a
theft existed in the 3rd grade and identifying this individual was complicated
taking longer than it should have. I was that theft, stealing from my
'favorite' teachers’ purse for unexplained reasons. Just to do it. I remember
the detective coming several times and him one day telling us the seriousness
of this. He informed the class that whoever the individual is will be caught.
And one day fellow classmate could rest assured that person would be on an Most
Wanted criminal poster. Eventually I got caught and several server action
taken, especially at home. The tragedy was Mrs. Melton truly was my favorite
teacher. Her father like mines was a performer/music, she lived music and
travel like me. However the events which lead to the breaking of that bond I
never fully understood why, but knew it was wrong and the implication of those actions.
INTERACTIVE DEVELOPMENT EXPRESSIVE COMMUNICATION:
A later in high school I remember one peer asking me if I
recalled the incident. She wanted to make sure I remembered and that she
'prayed' for me knowing I was a good person, troubled but good. It was at that
point I understood people who care (friends, family, and elders) will check on
you time to time to time: verifying previous behavior has developed into
something supportive and utilitarian in essence. Why, because unlike others you
hold a higher standard you placed upon yourself, which helps others evaluate
themselves. At no time had I denied the event, yet nor was it coffee table
conversation except at home and extended family members. That peer helped
realize early on people are understanding and people (like her) want to know a
person had grown, come full circle and is not ashamed of their past which has
made them what they are. Reason why she
is so relevant is after she questioned me I wonder why no one else brought the
subject up. It is imperative that in
collective society, that this “Expressive” interaction is norm and always in
effect.
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